Monday, November 17, 2014

Top Gear?

It's not often that I stray into the realm of Jeremy Clarkson, what with him being a jingoistic petrol maniac amongst other things, but motoring matters have been somewhat foremost in my mind lately....
After owning two Peugeot hatchbacks for the last few years, I have embraced the world of Ford.
My last French motor, Le 207 GTi en noir, was so unpredictable it had to go ....

Our three year relationship was a fractious one.

"Bonjour" I would politely announce as I started the ignition and gently eased it into gear.

 "Hmmmph" (or more accurately L'hmmmmph).. Tyre Pressure warning...Tyre Pressure Warning...curiously, even though the tyres were at the correct PSI.

Attention! Engine Management System Failure! (There was nothing wrong with it, as the garage deduced, but not before charging me several hundred dollars for the pleasure)

One day the front passenger window decided not to open. I had simply depressed the switch, a simple enough request to action for a reasonable car....

Pah! you stuck up toffee nosed Englishman...(echoing the French Knights in Monty Python's Holy Grail)
You are no good, you cannot even say Ouvre la Fenetre....therefore I refuse to cooperate.
So for 2 years the window remained closed, eventually relying on a local mechanic emailing a UK friend of his, acquainted as he was with a contact who worked for Peugeot in Paris, in order get the unlock code for the car's computer.!!!

Yet at times, I worshipped and adored my little Gti: the style, the interior, the equipment, so Chic, so French.

And therein lies the problem. In New Zealand European cars are deemed expensive and not like the normal run of the mill Japanese marques, the armies of Swifts, Mazda 3's, the ....(Yawn.....!) Corolla.
Not such a problem if you own 2 tons of German Vorsprung durch Technik. But un petit Peugeot GTi? Merde!

Consequently Euro car's services are more expensive, as are the mechanics bills, spares, and labour costs. All of which means the ultimate resell figure, like a descending lift on the Eiffel Tower, plummets.

Therefore it was time to buy a NZ trusted Ford, and whilst my Ecosport  is not the most expensive car in the range, to me it is the top Ghia.

What is boohoo in French?




Monday, November 3, 2014

No, I'm fine really.......

In 1992 Opus III would have us believe that it was going to be a fine night tonight, and a fine day tomorrow, as can be evidenced by the fact that people were opening windows. This British house/techno dance tune encapsulated all that's modest and understated about the British mentality.
When stressed or angry, ill, or emotional (quite rare for Brits to get emotional - unless it's during the X factor finals), or just simply don't walk to talk, we Brits will always try to brush things off with "I'm fine", 

I too espouse the cliched vernacular, reassuring people that I'm fine. For example at the renal clinic this week, after being asked "how are things", I replied that things were just fine, thus bringing the conversation to a shuddering halt. 

For in English the phrase I'm fine often can be read as  "I don't want to talk".
On this occasion the answer was intended to keep the conversation as limited as possible, in order to avoid excessive parking charges!  

This leaning towards duplicity can be further seen in the following explanation of "British speak"...

1. “I'm fine” – I am moments away from a devastating mental collapse, so please leave me alone
2. “I’ll bear it in mind” – Let us never mention this again.
3. “I'm sure it’s my fault” – It’s your fault.
4. “Chuffed” – Experiencing heart-racing euphoria.
5. “Not too bad, actually” – I'm possibly the happiest I have ever been.
6. “A bit miffed” – I've been ripped apart by a tsunami of pain and sorrow.
7. “Down in the dumps” – Severe depressive episode.
8. “Under the weather” – Close to death.
9. “Gutted” – Suicidal.
10. “Peeved” – Consumed with rage.
11. “Can’t complain” – But I'm going to anyway.

12. “Oh dear” – A life-altering catastrophe has just occurred.

My particular favourite is number 10......