Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Yarns

 

Captains Log Stardate: 201111.25

We were on a routine patrol in the outer rim of the North Shore Galaxy when we received a message from the Klingon medical outreach facility located on   Taah' ka Punaah, next to the desolate wastelands of M'ilf'orrrd and lapped by both the serene waters of Lake Pu' Puk' Ee and the oceans of Wai'aate M'aahtah.

We were called to rendezvous with Ambassador Flock from Vulcan, where important medical advances made by both sides would be discussed at a conference, and we were dispatched there to observe the proceedings.

We docked at the medical facility, making a smooth entrance through the dangerous Shak' Espeare Ro'aa'd approach where several smaller craft had come to grief amongst the treacherous outer rings.

We were greeted by the usual welcome extended to travellers, the traditional ticket of Pa-rrkin'g, which we accepted with a respectful nod of our heads. After docking in the bay, we proceeded to the upper levels of the medical complex, passing both the refectory and the dispensary. We abstained from sampling the local beverage, the F'laatwhi te', and hurried to the conference room.

The room was busy with dignitaries and their attendant staff from many worlds. We were greeted by Ambassador Flock, wearing his planets traditional costume.

We recognised several of the delegates and their home worlds by their distinctive appearance.

To our left sat His Imperial Highness An d'roo from the United Kingdom of Planets in the Euroapian galaxy. He wore the ancient mask of inhalation, traditional amongst the UK Planets. This indication of high status glowed softly through the haze of the vapours that surrounded him.

Across the room we acknowledged Ambassador Nanunannoo from Mork, who greeted us with the customary tri-fingered greeting, similar to that of Ambassador Flock from Vulcan.

To our left sat tne delegation from the planet of Vat Ikan, where Vice President N'drew waved to us, with arms extended in the sign of universal peace and pan galactic respect. His colourful gilded silken robes, encrusted with jewels, shimmerred in the haze of the conference room.

Behind him sat Queen L'Andm An of the planet Khidnee Tran-Splant wearing her imperial regalia, exuding an aura of reverence and commanding great respect for the ancient royal house of An. She acknowledged us with a subtle royal wave, as only a respected old queen can.

A hush fell upon the delegates as trumpeters announced the entrance of yet another dignitary, we craned our necks and were treated to a rare glimpse of the ancient and noble plenipotentiary from the B'aybee system. Dressed in the trademark swaddling clothes to denote dynastic heraldic lineage, the B'aybee crawled across the room and took his place amongst the assembled conference.

We all quietened down as the delegates began their conference and the hall filled with the buzz of quietly whispered conversations.

A gong sounded and we prepared ourselves as the time honoured tradition of vapourising was about to commence. The room was filled with a strange mix of gases, which we detected using Flock's spectrum analyser, both Ventolin and Pentamidine. The assembled throng quickly adorned themselves with specialist breathing equipment to maximise the benefits of the gases.

We absorbed the vapours through our nebulisers, which sat comfortably on our faces.

Ambassador Flock, told us that the Ventolin is used to open our lungs fully to absorb the magnificent Pentamidine. This drug, he told us calmly, is most beneficial to males of the species, but cytotoxic to the female. It can mirror the effects of a common Earth anti biotic, Co-trimoxazole, and is easily absorbed into the body through the lungs. 

The inhalation ceremony lasted just 15 earth minutes, and afterwards we detached the nebulisers from our faces and placed them in a secure bag for disposal, taking care to secure it firmly to avoid wrongful exposure.

We farewelled Ambassador Flock, and made our way back to the ship. In a few parsecs we reached our transport and set course for the Northern Spaceway at Warp Factor Nine, pausing only to exchange the ticket of Pa-rrkin'g for the traditional gift of a few valuable gold credits.

We reflected on the strange ceremony we just been privy to, it was indeed a great honour to be nebulised whilst at the medical facility. As we flew past the stars we received a message from Ambassador Flock, we were invited to repeat the whole ceremony next month at the same location.

Until then we would boldly go where no one had gone before...