Who Shot JR?

"There's not I think a single episode of Dallas that I didnt see."

affirmed Abba in their most haunting chanson "The Day Before You Came".

Unlike Agnetha, there's not a single episode of Dallas that I actually did see, apart from the disappointing JR popping attempt in 1980. Maybe it was the shoulder pads, the corporate greed, or the subject matter, but I for one was not hooked on the peaks and troughs of the Ewing clan. But hark! All that iconic 80's neglect of mine can now be cured as the show is making a return to our screens. I can almost hear the clink of champagne glasses as Sue Ellen celebrates by herself.

The return of Dallas has not been matched however, by the liver affliction of the past fortnight. It has officially been proclaimed as over, a bad memory, just like Pamela Ewing's dream at the end of Series 2. Indeed at clinic yesterday all my blood tests were back to normal strength, with creatinine hovering at 100 ul's.  So fanfare instead the welcome return of consistently normal blood levels. But just like Southfork Ranch this return contains mysteries aplenty.

Why is there still a nagging chest pain in my chest?

Why have I mysteriously gained the 2 kilos that I lost in hospital, despite plenty of well intentioned dietary restriction?

And finally who really shot JR? 

(you really need to be English to get this......)