Windin' your way down on Baker Street....

 

Was by the late great Gerry Rafferty, when singers were real and had normal names, like Gerry, Elvis, and Petula, unlike the gross misspellings of today....(p Diddy anyone?)

His was a homage to the twilight world of North London where he stayed with a friend during his transition between London and his native Scotland.

The NW1 address was synonymous with the great fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, although the actual sleuth's address was the HQ of the Abbey National Building Society, making it more likely that he would catch the Abbey habit than any criminals.

 The eminent sleuth had his ups and downs, rather similar to me (well minus the actual failing kidney, and I don't have a Deerstalker or a Meerschaum pipe). However just as Holmes has his arch nemesis in Professor Moriarty, I seem to have discovered my arch nemesis in the form of my local Radius Pharmacy....... 

                            Aha! My arch nemesis, disguised as a friendly local shop!

Returning there just the other day to collect yet more drugs, I was astounded to see that I was charged a dollar more for each prescribed item. Why is there a dollar more on my prescription I forcefully but politely asked, much in the same way that an irritated journalist might enquire from a particularly elusive politician. 

This time I was served by the pharmacist herself, a bristling model of efficiency, like a BMW or Audi, crisp and sleekly Germanic. Her nametag however announced to be Monique, and I heard lilts of Italian and German in her tones. She wore round her sleek throat a cross of St Christopher, and deduced that from these three clues that she must be Swiss.

She informed me that since the prescription was handed in on a Saturday, it therefore attracted a weekend premium of a dollar per item.

Now I have no axe to grind with the Swiss, they are a particularly charming nation, tending to remain neutral in world conflicts, producing harmless Cuckoo clocks, quality watches, and have supplied the world with both cheese and chocolate. But this was a ridiculous notion, and I felt the urge to pour scorn on yet more charges by the corporate chemist.

I replied in no uncertain terms that my wallet had been Berne'd by using Radius, and that charging extra on a Saturday was of quartz ridiculous, and their policy was full of holes. I canton-estly say that I would ever geneva return.

 I could tell from her pained expression that my words had little impact, and like Elvis, I left the building.

As I unpacked the multitude of medicines away, my suspicions were aroused by a smaller that usual packet of one of my regular drugs. I could infer from the weight of the package, that I has been dispensed an incorrect amount, and that furthermore the chemist had been wearing a white coat and had been wearing an expensive fragrance. I glanced at the clock and noted that if I hurried I could just make the chemist before they shut for the night.

As I entered Radius for the third time that week, I observed the ladies on the perfume counter opposite tidying away atomisers of testers, which left a heavy cloying aroma in the vicinity, Aha! Chanel!

 Another assistant approached, obviously recognising me, as her gait was uncertain and she looked hesitant. I calmly explained that I had been given the incorrect dosage and could she check with the original script. As she glided away, I saw her gravitate towards a white coat which was hanging up on an adjoining rack. I had deduced correctly, that indeed white coats had been involved at my arch nemesis's arena of operations. 

After what seemed an eternity, she returned holding an amended collection of bottles and tablets, which she wrapped up fpr me. I hurried out of my arch nemesis' shop and was about to open my car, when I spied a man hovering in the vicinity of the car park.

I could tell from his gait and large hat that he was used to working outside, and was used to walking large distances. His hat matched his clothes, which meant that he was attired for work in the clerical and enforcement business. His quick moving eyes scanned the area, and it was clear that he had a professional interest in cars. As he approached me I became aware of a hand held gadget which I deduced was a scanner/printer which he must use regularly for it to be so readily available.

As the traffic warden passed me, I smiled and nodded at him.

 Returning home I was mentally exhausted from my intellectual efforts and I slumped into an adjacent armchair sighing audibly.

    My partner recognising that I was tired, offered to prepare dinner, and would I like to peruse the television channels for entertainment tonight, perhaps watch a new drama?

Elementary my dear, what's on?