Fans, fans, fans.......
I'm surrounded by fans this week as we travel to back to the Ancien Regime. The bloggers' literary muse has deposited us just outside Paris in order to observe the goings on of the French aristocracy as they discuss the latest intrigues and gossip of court. Come with me as we listen in unobserved....
Pssst! Have you heard the latest news about the Marquis de Landmann? He who was recently unwell, but is now miraculously cured?
Well it is being rumoured that he has had an encounter with a lady in public with no thought for the modesty of others!
Pray tell Madame....No need to be so coy.
As I heard it he was visiting one of those new society cafes. You know the ones where one can indulge in a little liquid refreshment of that addictive new beverage, coffee?
Which one Madame? For I too have often observed him in town availing himself of coffee....
It is being said that he was in the Cafe de la Wild Bean, you know where one can get refreshments and replenish ones horse and coaches simultaneously.
Why he requested a large tasse de Cappucino from the serving girl, who then proceeded to prepare the frothy concoction, but in a most tardy fashion, though this alone was not sufficient to incur his wrath.
After a number of minutes waiting the coffee was about to be served to the Marquis de Landmann, when all of a sudden and without so much as a by your leave, the girl sneezed over the drink, which was as yet to be lidded.
Her next action however was ill judged as she then added the lid and offered it the Marquis.
So what was the Marquis' reaction to this affrontery, this stab at his discerning tastes?
Well quite naturally he stopped the proceedings and pointed out the error of her ways, in no uncertain terms. You know that Marquis! The pretty young serving girl looked astonished and countered that she hadn't actually sneezed in the coffee, and that it was quite amiable to imbibe.
How did he take that response, pray tell?
Well of course he was wild with rage, wilder than a peacock with his tail all in a flutter.
In fact the cafe could be regarded as a livid bean cafe, not a wild bean.
Apparently he remonstrated with the servant that this was most unhygenic, as filthy as a French peasants under-coulottes. This, he considered, warranted making anew. I have heard that due to all the multitude of medicines he regularly takes, that he has a most weakened constitution and can fall ill at the slightest infection! Well you you believe it!
So what happened then?
As I heard it, he began to issue a most frigid stare at the young lady, who responded with a stare of her own and an audible tut! The Marquis merely responded with a cold nod and repeated his request for a freshly concocted cappucino, with all care taken over its preparation.
A standoff developed, and the area was soon filled with a queue of other customers, each with their own requests for coffee. The young lady tutted once more and resumed her chore for the Monsiuer de Landmann, who was presented with a fresh and presumably hygenically superior coffee!
After issuing a thank you, laced with heavy condescension, he left the cafe, climbed into his carriage and made a graceful exit.
Heavens! With his reduced constitution a coffee heavily imbued with fresh germs would be most catastrophic, and this whole encounter would have become a Brief Encounter, n'est pas?
Brief encounter? You mean it would have been a very "Dangerous Liaison", that's the parody this week.
I think you'll find that if you check the script, Brief Encounter is not scheduled to be spoofed until March. It gives the scriptwriters some time to think of something vaguely "humourous".
Oh, I've got something in my eye.
Stop it, don't get all Celia Johnson on me, just check that script will you.....
Oh Bother, this week it's supposed to be The Empire Strikes Back Parody. We'll just have to redo it.
Worry not Master Luke,
Read this blog no-one does.
Get away with it we shall.....
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