Ain't nothing going on but the rent...

Gwen Guthrie made it her J. O. B. to get to number V...in her summer 1985 cash inspired hit.

Her rent? Financial security and treasures to plunder. 

My rent? A simple appendix torn asunder.

"Torn asunder"may be a tad dramatic, but the devilish chilli lookalike became inflamed and started to rupture. Ultimately it decided to perforate for good measure. 

Those poor readers who have suffered the excruciating pain and debilitation normally associated with appendicitis, will be interested in my recipe to avoid the searing agony of a burst appendix

First choose peritoneal dialysis in order to obtain some internal surgical scars. Next, go get yourself a transplant, preferably double organs, for maximum internal rummaging. Allow to rest and settle internally for a couple of years. Add in one arterial graft, and several exploratory invasions and allow to harden and scar inside. Eh voila! 

For it was the very fact that my interior tissues were so scarred from the previous work conducted in my abdomen that my insides were quite hard and numb. Which is a handy by product when it comes to a perforated ulcer.

So for me there is no pain, "cos there ain't nothing going on but the rent

Back to work tomorrow, I need to earn some money...