Rather in vogue today

Today of course being a public Holiday in Auckland.

The sort of day which previously Everybody would get a day off, with the exception of dialysis patients such as myself.

However this year is different, due to the actions of the doctor who in July was Like a Surgeon, who went Deeper and Deeper Into the Groove, as he became my Lucky Star.

Here we are 7 months on, and rather like a Ray of Light striking  my life has changed beyond recognition since my surgical Angel worked internal magic with my organs. In my previous regimen I was tightly regulated and prone to rebellion, like an errant child begging of his overbearing father, Papa don't Preach. Now I crave treats (as part of a balanced diet) but that is just Human Nature.

So yesterday  instead of attending the dialysis clinic, I was fortunate to Cherish some quality time with my partner, the dogs and the watch our new kitten Causing a Commotion.

Listening to Music and enjoying the fine weather (there was no Rain for a change),
The day concluded with a grand filtering of old clothes to be sent to charity, many of which are too small for my steroid enhanced frame, and hopefully will be well received, although these garments have never graced the cover of Vogue.....

I then finished the day reading Wikipoodle to discover about the fourteenth century nun who fasted for 25 years, only to break her fast on St Kiplings Day when she partook of a delicious holy bun.

To this day she is still remembered as Lois the Buneater.

Asteroid Impacts!

"Flee! Flee! Run to the hills, run as fast as you can!" ....and so urged on by steely voiced Hollywood action heroes, the hapless cast of extras and minor equity members rush around aimlessly with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, all served up with a soupcon of over acting. Praise be for the Hollywood disaster epic, for where else would we feel comfortable with Bruce Willis and his ilk.

Not another space epic, I hear you cry. Almost, but not from out of this world, rather insert a space after the A in asteroid and hey presto you get a steroid impacts....

For the last six months I have been routinely taking the steroid Prednisone as one of the immuno suppressants necessary for protecting my donated kidney from rejection, however there are some noticeable side effects.....

Wikipoodle lists 26 major side effects which thankfully I seem to have avoided most of them, notably  darkened stools:

 Maintaining a constant train of th.........

Insomnia...zzzzz.....zzzzz.

 and thankfully , a septic ulcer.

 (I was expecting Gastroenterology, not a gastropub.)

However there are plenty more and some have most definitely come home to roost, like a disoriented bantam about to fall off his perch.

.

There has been a most definite weight gain, notably around the stomach which can get enlarged by the steroid, but also by the increased appetite! The term "Munchies" now heralds a whole new sensation, however mindful one is of the after effects; still, we've just had Christmas so a little weight gain is not too unexpected. We have seen some facial puffiness, another effect of the dosage.

However the moost curious effect has been my body temperature. Rather like my old Renault Clio I have become adept at overheating. And just like my Gallic chariot of old, there is no sense of timing involved. Instead of stalling at the main roundabout on the A23 into Brighton at peak rush hour, my overheating can be observed in meetings, getting progressively more moist, soaked in the supermarket, hot and humid at the hairdressers, and wet just watching TV.

 To the old adage "horses sweat, gentlemen perspire, ladies glow" can now be added "and Andrew drips." Not unlike a a leaky faucet really, albeit I tend not to make a drip drip sound, or go rusty.

And this long humid summer just brings out the moist in me. Just like my Clio..

Nicole,you are hot and sweaty? Yes Papa, though that is inappropriate, n'est pas?

Other than that I seem to have avoided the 25 other harbingers of discomfort that can manifest some patients, apart from the occasional emotional swings that come and go LIKE A FRIGGIN' WASP...all sweet and lovely in the warm haze of a beautiful summers evening. KILL IT KILL IT!

 Oh well, enough over acting for today I think, back to Hollyweird where in breaking news we are being told that Bruce Willis is to reprise his role as Harry Stamper in a prequel to the asteroid disaster epic in which his character dies. In this film Stamper is recruited by the Federal Border Agnecy when it is discovered that the country faces imminent threat from a viscious group of invaders who launch a series of coordinated attacks on the USA from their base in South America.

Preliminary artwork has been leaked to the media....

That enough now stop it.......

Les Liaisons Dangereuses

Fans, fans, fans.......


I'm surrounded by fans this week as we travel to back to the Ancien Regime. The bloggers' literary muse has deposited us just outside Paris in order to observe the goings on of the French aristocracy as they discuss the latest intrigues and gossip of court. Come with me as we listen in unobserved....

 Pssst! Have you heard the latest news about the Marquis de Landmann? He who was recently unwell, but is now miraculously cured?
Well it is being rumoured that he has had an encounter with a lady in public with no thought for the modesty of others!

Pray tell Madame....No need to be so coy.

As I heard it he was visiting one of those new society cafes. You know the ones where one can indulge in a little liquid refreshment of that addictive new beverage, coffee?

Which one Madame? For I too have often observed him in town availing himself of coffee....

It is being said that he was in the Cafe de la Wild Bean, you know where one can get refreshments and replenish ones horse and coaches simultaneously.

 Why he requested a large tasse de Cappucino from the serving girl, who then proceeded to prepare the frothy concoction, but in a most tardy fashion, though this alone was not sufficient to incur his wrath.

After a number of minutes waiting the coffee was about to be served to the Marquis de Landmann, when all of a sudden and without so much as a by your leave, the girl sneezed over the drink, which was as yet to be lidded.
Her next action however was ill judged as she then added the lid and offered it the Marquis.

So what was the Marquis' reaction to this affrontery, this stab at his discerning tastes?

Well quite naturally he stopped the proceedings and pointed out the error of her ways, in no uncertain terms. You know that Marquis! The pretty young serving girl looked astonished and countered that she hadn't actually sneezed in the coffee, and that it was quite amiable to imbibe.

How did he take that response, pray tell?

Well of course he was wild with rage, wilder than a peacock with his tail all in a flutter.
In fact the cafe could be regarded as a livid bean cafe, not a wild bean.

 Apparently he remonstrated with the servant that this was most unhygenic, as filthy as a French peasants under-coulottes. This, he considered, warranted making anew. I have heard that due to all the multitude of medicines he regularly takes, that he has a most weakened constitution and can fall ill at the slightest infection! Well you you believe it!

 So what happened then?

As I heard it, he began to issue a most frigid stare at the young lady, who responded with a stare of her own and an audible tut! The Marquis merely responded with a cold nod and repeated his request for a freshly concocted cappucino, with all care taken over its preparation.

 A standoff developed, and the area was soon  filled with a queue of other customers, each with their own requests for coffee. The young lady tutted once more and resumed her chore for the Monsiuer de Landmann, who was presented with a fresh and presumably hygenically superior coffee!

After issuing a thank you, laced with heavy condescension, he left the cafe, climbed into his carriage and made a graceful exit.

Heavens! With his reduced constitution a coffee heavily imbued with fresh germs would be most catastrophic, and this whole encounter would have become a Brief Encounter, n'est pas?

 Brief encounter?  You mean it would have been a very "Dangerous Liaison",  that's the parody this week.

I think you'll find that if you check the script, Brief Encounter is not scheduled  to be spoofed until March. It gives the scriptwriters some time to think of something vaguely "humourous".

 Oh, I've got something in my eye.

Stop it, don't get all Celia Johnson on me, just check that script will you.....

Oh Bother,  this week it's supposed to be The Empire Strikes Back Parody. We'll just have to redo it.

Worry not Master Luke,

Read this blog no-one does.

Get away with it we shall.....

Dont you (Forget about me)...

Pleaded Jim Kerr, lead singer of the Scottish tune merchants Simple Minds, in one of the classic anthems of the 1980's, shortly before the world then forgot about them. Reinvigorated by a lack of funds and a lack of recent hits, they arose again, ascending the charts and culminating in a new world tour,  the Minds are still going strong.

This particular little ditty soared to number 7 in the UK charts in May 1985, and was the anthem of the summer for many a teenager, especially as it was used as the theme tune to the teen flick "The Breakfast Club".
Starring Molly Ringwald (whatever happened to her?) and the other son of Kirk Douglas, the forgettable one: Emilio Estevez, brother of the more memorable loony Charlie Sheen. This film was disappointing to me as it contained no sign of of either an EggMcMuffin or Croissant, and I failed to see any kind of club, be it golf or night...

Marching majestically on we depart the Chicago high school, all the way to Waiheke Island, scene of my recent vacation adjunct to Auckland, chosen for the comparative ease of access to the dialysis centre. Of course now the transplant had rendered this useful holiday feature redundant.

So days prior to my departure I dutifully packed all the essentials needed, clothes, toiletries, reading matter, and of course my rejection tablets and other pill essentials. Contained into a convenient (well according to my pharmacist!) multipack spanning 2 weeks, each individually labelled and separated into appropriate dosages. This was to ensure that I would not forget to take them, and aid my fading memory of the last dose taken. So that I don't forget about them.......

 And so off we pootled, all the way into town to the Viaduct Basin, on board the ferry to Waiheke and then off at the island's Kennedy point, and a drive to our rented holiday home at Blackpool, near Oneroa. Sublime bliss awaited me as the holiday promised to unwind and soothe me.........

 Until 5 of the clock, when I retrieved my pill dispenser to discover that I had inadvertently neglected to add my late afternoon dose of the anti rejection drug Mycophenylate. Not just for that day, but for the entire rest of the holiday, oh dear "Whoops". Not just a little whoops, but a huge organ rejecting, loss of kindly donated kidney kind of whoops. Whoops is when you drop a saucer, or accidentally nudge someone in the post office. This was no mere whoops, this had all the makings of a disaster, a huge disaster constructed in enormous capital letters and coated in bright luminous paint, plainly visible on Google Earth.

I double checked my pill pack, and then rifled through the rest of my luggage, and luckily found 2 extra tablets which would take me through to the end of that day, but no further....

Ho hum, what to do, what to do?

I pondered the options....
To miss any dose would be foolish, worse than Ann Boleyn's decision to marry Henry VIII when she accepted his hand in marriage: "Queen eh? What could go wrong?" She mused.

I didn't entertain that decision for more than a micro nanosecond, before it was expunged.

Oh well, there is nothing for it, I would have to return home and collect the missing tablets. What a long arduous transit that would be. Since the others were using my car on the morrow, I would have to catch a bus to the ferry, having queued with the locals:

Then a time consuming voyage into the CBD on the ferry:

 Are you sure that is right?

Oh I do hope you are not going to be trouble again Mr Photo Editor? I shall have you replaced (after holding an investigation and several meetings with you to explain your actions and reflect on your behaviour, with a support person if necessary, before deciding the outcome....)

After disembarkation than a short walk to the bus terminal to catch a bus all the way back home to extricate the forgotten medicine........and then undertake the whole lengthy operation in reverse.
Oh poo.

So I pondered this for a while over a couple of relaxing Pina Colada's,  and went to bed thoroughly disgruntled.

Morning arrived with the typical greyness that we had come to expect on Waiheke. After the nights mental exertions I arose tired and bleary, so understandably I was feeling a little horse...

Suddenly my mind filled with the beginning of a cunning plan, one that involved the professional services of a host of medical staff, the dispensary skills of a local business, the technical input of  Apple, the help of one of our largest corporations and a large Japanese manufacturing firm! In essence it was almost Baldrick-like in its magnificence..

It would be indeed a daring stunt if all parties came to the table, but this enormous chain could fracture at any moment, leaving me stranded and in peril!

It was therefore with a  sense of trepidation that I picked up my Apple Iphone, and began to write a text (Thanks to great network coverage from Telecom) to my renal nurse at the hospital, who would then get a prescription written by the on call renal physician (the host of medical staff). After the prescription was written it would be faxed (Again thanks to communications giant Telecom and the Japanese fax machine manufacturer) to the nearest pharmacy in Waiheke, which was Unichem in Oneroa (the local business).

Unbeknownst to me the chain began in inexorable crawl towards its climax, with each part of the sequence seamlessly interacting with its successor, not unlike a string of dominoes laid out by some gangly schoolchildren in a world record attempt acting out their pre-ordained destiny with a flourish.

My iPhone trilled to the slightly embarrassing sound of Channel 4's Treasure Hunt, announcing an incoming call. Half expecting to hear Anneka Rice or Wincey Willis (go on Google them), I was instead delighted to hear from Janene, my clinical nurse specialist. Much like an Archangel, she brought glad tidings, and was pleased to inform me that the logistics operation had been a success, the much needed medicine was ready for me at the Oneroa chemist. To say I was relieved was a tad understated, as the waves of relief coursed through my body.

Consequently I collected my items and packed them away in their respective compartments, as I should have done in the first place, and enjoyed the rest of the holiday with the correct doses taken at the appropriate hour.


So the moral of this tale, in the words of Simple Minds....

If you want to stay Alive and Kicking, then listen properly to your nurse, to All the Things She Said, remember to follow instructions, for they Promised you a Miracle.........Oh I've forgotten the rest......


I said la, la la la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la
La, la la la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la
La, la la la la, la la la la, la la la la la la la la la la .....