Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Diary Of Bridget Jones with Bob the BPM


Tuesday 12.30pm: Introduced to Andrew by way of sudden attachment to waist and strapped to arm. Protested vigorously by inflating cuff unexpectedly to give a false reading.


1pm: Being driven "home" via the motorway, stuck listening to Abba. Inflated suddenly during gear change, added 10 mms to blood pressure. Hope desperately this will improve.

2pm: Has decided to watch History Channel, forced to endure monotonous droning from someone called Tony Robinson.

2.30: Apparently time for a snack and a cup of tea. Inflated unexpectedly during kettle pour, that always surprises.

4pm: Off for a walk on beach, despite obvious dangers to valuable electronic self. Stuck talking to dog walker. Noisily inflated twice as revenge. Woof indeed.
6pm: Introduced to something called a vacuum cleaner, heck of a noise. Inflated extra hard as punishment.

10pm. Cable has become occluded so unable to measure correct pressure. Re-inflated twice to re assess. Managed to extract an "ouch". Serves him right.

11pm: Time for bed. Managed to interrupt nightly shower regime, since susceptible to water damage, must be kept dry, of course.

11.10pm. Succeeded in disturbing bedtime reading by getting in a couple of pumps. Book holding unaccomplished as a result.
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11.59pm. Subject asleep as last, but not for long. Nocturnal BPs at their lowest for a while.

Midnight: Inflated as pre arranged. Managed to disturb and elicit a loud groan.

1 - 3am: Took readings every nocturnal hour. Am convinced that constant irritation will add mms HG.

4-5am: Subject tired, remained asleep. Must be losing influence. Shall try earnestly to rethink strategy.

6am: Managed a perfect combined inflation and awakening. Celebrated with a spot of self indulgent congratulations.

7-10am: Continued with regular hourly inflation, rewarded with inconvenience and harassment factor in public spaces +10. 

11am. Driven back to hospital. Might indulge in a little extra pumping before we part.

12.30 pm. Unceremoniously dumped at clinic. Must have a word with hospital management about calibre of patients I get strapped to, this one was very unappreciative.

Have resolved to download all data to doctors. Hopefully this examination will negate the need for a sequel.










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